Hey guys! I'm back for 1 day for now. I'll be having more free time when I book out on Friday-Sunday and I'll post then (I've read most of everything). However, I think this story merits a post.
So, my training is squashed into 4 weeks. It's complicated to explain why, but that suffices. During my 2 weeks confinement, we had our individual field camp for 2 days 1 night (which is NOTHING compared to what my friends had to go through for 4 and a half days).
My story starts at time 8.30 PM. The forest is dark. I'm in my baksha tent thingy with my buddy. I had just stripped to my underwear to powder bath and I really really wanted to piss before I slept at 9. So I tell my buddy this and put on my uniform long pants in the dark.
My pants are oversized for me and I require a belt. However, being the lazy idiot that I am, I decide to forego taking my belt along. I get out of my tent and step into my boots without socks... because hey! It's only a piss right? What could go wrong?
The first thing I realise is that my pants is on the other way around. I.e. the button part of the pants is behind at my buttocks and the muddy part with which I've been sitting with all day long is in front. This gives the impression that I have just literally shitted my pants so hard that it went to the front. Now at this point, I had the option of going back in and fixing it... but PFFFT it's only a toilet break!!!
So there I was, shirtless. Torch in my right hand, left hand grasping my pants from behind, desperately trying to not reveal my underwear. With my boots I step into the mud... and make my way to the toilet. Along the way I run into my sergeant and get scolded for not wearing a shirt. Because apparentely he had given orders that no one could go topless when moving around. I didn't pay attention cos I thought that order was to the people doing guard duty that night.
I ask for permission to just please go to the toilet, which I am allowed to do. At last, I decide to return. I go to where my platoon is supposedly located, give the guys on guard duty the password (and a good laugh for my freakishly weird fashion sense) and make my way in the dark.
Now at this point in time, my buddy had gone to sleep... but I didn't know that, because I had told him to just keep the red torch on so that I can see shit. I trip over tent pins, keep treading on mud, nearly tripping constantly. I call out to my buddy and get no response.
I find some people that are awake and ask them what platoon it is. Apparentely, I had moved so far to the left that I had traversed into their territory (my platoon is on the right most edge). I ATTEMPT to retrace my steps, but it is clear that I am lost. I run into the same people on guard duty like 3 more times as they move around. This goes on for 10 minutes, with me essentially in my underwear, until finally i find my way back onto the main road...
...and right into my sergeants. Our convo goes somewhat like this:
"What the fuck. You again. *accidentally points torch at my groin area and sees the muddy mess it is* What the fuck, did you go to the toilet to piss or shit. Chee bai (A hokkien swear word, essentially meaning vagina)."
'Er, yea I know. Sergeant! I'm lost. I can't find my baksha.'
"Iiiidiot, how can you get lost. Come."
So I'm led back to my baksha at last. They actually led me to the bakshas of the different platoon before leading me to my own platoon's baksha... So I guess it was just shitty placement. I get called a clown by my sergeant before he goes. But I don't give a shit. I'm back in my baksha!!!
Moral of the story is: Ensure your pants are the right way around and secure before going to the toilet. For my valiant efforts in trying to go to the toilet, I am rewarded with 15 minutes wasted time, a new blister on my un-socked feet, a body that feels very sweaty, and the honour of probably being remembered as 'pants guy'. I had to retell the story to my platoon the next day. Pfft, whatever, it was fun
